I was standing at the airport, peeking
through the gate. I could see my family leaving, I never knew that even a sight
of your family could turn out to be so valuable. My family was standing in the
line, waiting for their bags to be checked. As the turn came, I felt as if
something really precious and strong is being taken away from me. As the bags
got checked, my mom turned around to me, looked through me with an affectionate
look, which brought back the tears I was holding back. She waved her hand and
turned around. Even a wave of her hand seemed so meaningful to me that day. it
felt as if I had an conversation with her through her expressions even standing
apart. I turned around and moved towards my car. I was repeating to myself that
I don’t have to break, but tears wouldn’t stop flowing. I decided to divert my
mind and concentrate that I have a car with me and my own city to explore. I
headed towards my friend’s house.
The journey from the airport to my
friend’s house never seemed so long to me. Every km seemed like many miles
to me. I couldn’t resist and called up my
mother asking if she boarded the plane safely. I didn’t have the option to
express my feelings to my mother or there would’ve been a headline on the news
that the flight schedules have been delayed. I didn’t even have the capacity to
talk to my youngest brother either. Being the youngest of all brothers, but he
is the closest to me. We have a level of frankness that even friends don’t
have. I kept the call as short as I can because I was boiled up with so many
emotions that one word to trigger them would have brought tears to my eyes.
As soon as I kept the call, I was
passing by the Mosque that was adjacent to our old home, that’s the place where
I spent those beautiful days of my childhood and made some beautiful memories. It
was time for Asar’s namz, so I parked the car and went into the mosque. I
performed wuzu, and walked to the first row and sat there. As soon as I sat
there, it reminded me of my father. I can’t recall a day when he wasn’t a part
of the first row. He is really punctual and rigid when it comes to namz. I
still remember the days when I used to hide as soon as I used to hear the azan.
My father used every possible method to bring me on the right track. He used to
provide me with hadith references for explaining me the benefits of namz and
the consequences of avoiding it. But I guess, I wanted my father to implement
the hadith on me. Like every other day, I played hide and seek with my father.
My father kept on looking for me and then left for namz so that he doesn’t miss
the jamat. When he came back, I was
sitting in front the TV watching a movie. He approached to me with a smile on
his face, I couldn’t even predict in a million years that I was about to know
what happens when I miss namz. He sat beside me and asked, “which movie?” I
replied cheerfully “terminator” He replied, “would you get my slippers from the
room?” if I knew I am going to be beaten up by them, I would’ve made a run for
it. But I am glad that he used those slippers that day because I wouldn’t be
here if he didn’t. However, I was depressed with the fact that he didn’t
consider that I have self respect and created that embarrassing moment in my
life. I had this grudge always with me. Now I realize that His self respect was
on the line from the first day he explained me but he never considered it as
important. Those slippers would’ve been used the first day I played hide and
seek, if it was about his self respect.
When I sat in the car, my phone rang and there
was message flashing on it. It seemed as if nature had planned to make me
realize the value of my family truly. It was my friend’s message, something had
come up and he wasn’t available at that time. As soon as I kept the phone, I
realized that I don’t have a home now. I have a flat by myself but there
wouldn’t be anybody to greet me there.
I was hungry, I couldn’t go back to the
apartment because the only thing I knew how to make was a sandwich. I saved
that for the future because there were 4 years ahead of ‘sandwich to the rescue’.
I knew how to fry but the mother’s belief that I am capable of burning up the
kitchen restrained me to try. It was early in the morning, pathan’s ‘Dood patti
and pratha’ was the only sensible option. I went to nearest hotel and ordered.
The guy took ample time to bring the breakfast and it wasn’t worth waiting
even. The first bite of that pratha was enough to make me stand up and leave.
The saddest part was that, this is the best breakfast I get in Karachi. There
wasn’t a better hotel than that in Karachi. My mother’s tasty omlet, with amazing
scent of few vegetables and a bit of olive oil seemed like heaven. The pratha
with ‘Asili ghee’ and tea, was the best combination I could think of. The small
details that I took for granted but took ample attention of my mom seemed so
prominent now. Waking up early in the morning and cooking, when you are hungry
yourself is a thing that I might not even do for myself. But still, with all
those pains gifted by age didn’t stop her from cooking my breakfast with a
smile on her face. Those years of care had spoiled me. I always preferred
dining out but that day I realized the effort a mother puts in cooking for her
children.
After the flight landed, my mom called
me up. I was in desperate need to hear her voice. I never felt so incomplete.
She asked, “Did you eat anything?” I replied cheerfully “Yeah I did” she
replied with a rhetorical question“ Now do you value my breakfast?” I replied
“No it wasn’t that bad” she replied with a small laugh and confidence “ I know
it wasn’t” I asked “Is rebal(youngest brother) okay, is he still low?” my mom
replied “ he’s okay, don’t worry, and you take care of yourself too, I know it’s
hard to stay alone, it would be depressing and difficult but hang on to it
because once your done with your studies and everything, you’ll be much more
than your today. You’ll be a changed man. You’ll have all the tools you need to
fight this world through and make your place in it. Just know one thing, if you
face hardships today than only you’ll be able to see the good times in future.”
I replied with full confidence though my heart was pumping harder than ever to
just say it all “ You worry too much, I am totally fine here” my mom replied me
in a taunting tone “ after all you took the decision, and you are your father’s
son” After that I started the petty talk. Somehow at that time, that taunt
seemed really soothing to me. I was missing those taunts that used to irritate
me. Truly, there is no one in this world that can know you better than your mom.
Somehow she already knew that I need those few lines of guidance and
motivation.
After staying alone, I realized the value
of family. No matter how many differences we have staying under one roof, we
need each other in every way still. When I used to open up the empty flat, I
wish that there was my younger brother to make a mess of my room. I wish that
there was mom waiting for me to scold me. I was missing those suspicious looks
of my father when I enter late in my house. I miss those time when my elder
brother used to boss around. I miss the family unit feeling where we all just
sat in our parent’s room packed and talk about silly stuff.
How ironic is life, it takes sadness to
know what happiness is, noise to appreciate silence and absence to value
presence.
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